It was 4:30 am when I woke up this morning, nose stuffed up because even though I know I get congested from drinking wine it didn’t stop me from consuming the entire bottle of Pinot Grigio last night. My back was aching again which is what woke me up last night, actually every night for the last 2 months for that matter, and I shifted around tucking pillows between my knees, under my legs, trying to find a position that would lessen the pain.
I was wide awake and my mind started churning. What the heck is wrong with me?? I know the reason that I am in so much pain is that I am now carrying an extra 25 pounds of weight on my body. Weight that I put on over the last two years from my drinking and subsequent potato chip eating. It started out pretty innocently, only drinking on weekends or the occassional Thursday night, but now things have progressed to an every day affair and the fact that I can finish an entire bottle of wine and still function in the morning makes me believe that I am heading for trouble.
The thing is, that up until last night I couldn’t find the empathy to care. I just didn’t give a shit. I am a fully functional alcoholic, never missing work or any of the kids school events. Always home to cook dinner and help with homework. Yet I know that this can’t be good. In fact, both sides of my family have a strong history of alcoholism and my siblings, cousins, Aunts and Uncles all drink regularly. They brew their own wine for crying out loud! So it was incredibly hard for me to admit that I have a problem, in fact I don’t view it as a problem, I just know that I want to quit. In fact I had signed up for the Malibu Marathon two months ago and even though my initial training went well (while continuing to drink), it is apparent that I can’t continue without cutting out the alcohol.
So today is the day that I begin. I am hoping that writing my daily thoughts will help me heal and keep me focused on the task at hand. I don’t know why but I feel that if I can put it on paper that I have some responsibility to own up to it. I have 10 weeks til the Marathon, so wish me luck! Here we go…
Alcoholic Marathoner 